JESUS DIARY 18 – Hotties or Coldies…

HOT’ties or COLD’ies…?

Dear all, have you ever felt like you meet people and in the moment you meet them, you already know instantly whether you will see them again or not ever.  Some become life long friends, and some are met in a fleet moment and never seen again.  How precious this life is, that we have the privilege to call someone a “friend”… Well, this old story is about such people… enjoy!

CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE

It was on a cold London night,
Many birds were in flight,
I stretched out my eyes upon a beautiful scene,
and never realized that life could be mean,
Met some new friends and said goodbye to others…
Slowly I open my special blue box.

Dear Jesus Diary,

The wind is blowing softly and the rain is falling down refreshing everything around me and it smells beautiful. But I am sitting inside when I should be outside under the roof of my new “private space” which I created for pleasure. There is a bath… yes, a real bath cast into cement with steps up and lovely ceramic tiles around; my own little “swimming bath”. Also a lovely garden with colourful flowers, lovely green grass and a carport with two benches and a table where family can sit when they visit. But ideally I created this space for me to sit down there with my laptop to write stories on nights like these. I haven’t decided upon a name for my “private space” yet. I will let you know once I know what it is.

It is one of those days … when one cannot decide whether it is cold or hot. When I take my sweater off, I am cold; and when I put it back on again, I’m too hot. Have you ever felt like that? It has nothing to do with my emotional state at this point in time, I think – but who knows…? A brain-doctor might tell me different, but I’m not even going there. I’m totally normal…. even saying that doesn’t sound normal. But yeah, here I am.

I have wanted to start a blog for years, but never got around to doing it. It was not a time issue, it was more a case of deciding whether I should or not. You see, here’s the thing. Being a little bit “known” in your social circle makes it difficult to have your own blog when you want to talk about things that really matter to you. Because when you are known as a responsible adult then every eye is upon you and everyone watches what you do… so you see, you can never really just let your hair down and just go banana’s… just for the heck of it. Oh-no, those days are gone, baby! Now you are accountable for your actions; and actions have consequences. Aargh! So here I am. There is so much to share, and I don’t even want an answer back from anyone, I just really want to put some thoughts out there… thoughts about things that matter to me. So, for a brief moment I decided what the heck, let me do this. Not because I owe anybody anything, but because I want to. God has blessed me with a gift of writing, and I decided to make use of it.

So the topic I chose to write about this time is called: “Hot’ies or Cold’ies?…” Well, right there, I could probably start yapping away for hours, and you might think “what is this woman on about?” You need to know, I’m not just talking about getting cold or hot in the flesh. But now my arms are really cold so I have my sweater wrapped around my shoulders, but my arms are not in the sleeves because then it is too hot and this makes me think about people. What is it that makes people be “cold” or “hot” towards other people? Because let’s face it: not every single person that you have met in your life was a “best friend” within ten minutes… true? So hear me out.

Every time in my life I meet a new person, whether it is by accident or by appointment for various reasons, there is something that happens. The first thing the person says to me will ultimately tell me if this person is going to be part of my life or not. Now maybe you think this is not important, but it is for me. If I meet someone who can hardly look me in the eyes while talking to me, I am pretty sure they will not become a friend of mine. Then you get those who are normally shy but try to hide the shy-ness. Then there are the bold people, they can be male or female but everybody knows they have arrived the moment they walk into the room. I’m sure you know them too? Last but not least the arrogant little twit that carries themselves as if they know everything and you know nothing; and they make you feel like a worm. Other days you might be so lucky as to meet a humble person… hold on to those for dear life! They always seem to be good friends because they understand loyalty and integrity!

Tonight I’m just thinking about all the people I have met in my life, and how I responded to them; and how they opened up to me… were they hot or cold? So I’m thinking as far back as what I could. There are of course a few primary school friends I can remember due to incidents that is somewhere far away in the back of my memory cabinet. There was Linette, whom I lost contact with her straight after school… strange! I only heard about her again a few years back when someone organized a re-union which of course, I decided not to go to – quite frankly because I think it’s a waste of time; and I refuse to waste my valuable time sitting talking to a bunch of people telling me how they have succeeded in life while I was still trying to find my feet…

Then there was Phyllis, a young girl who grew up with lots of brothers who threw my feet with rocks if I didn’t dance for them on our walk home from school. She was always thin and I wondered how she managed that, then I found out they never had butter on their bread. Not because of any reason but that they didn’t have enough money. Quite frankly I cannot remember what happened the first time I met any of them. There is also some recollection of Tertia, the girl with the pitch-black hair and huge brown eyes with long lashes. She was really very pretty but a bit big-boned. I also can’t remember what happened the first time I met her. And more than that, I cannot really recall any other girls much; I think there was a Susan; maybe a Helen who didn’t like me much; and then there was Melanie who actually became my real best friend… but that was it! And that’s all I can remember from primary school; but I do remember my first boy-friend – his name was Anton. He kissed me in Std. 5, and that I can call to mind! But anything before that is gone… and I’m pretty sure it is not the age. I think it has to do with the fact that once you know who you are in life and you have become your own person, you tend to forget (by choice) the things that do not matter to you anymore. And truly, there is no need for me to remember the names and surnames of people whose faces I cannot remember and have obviously changed tremendously in life due to ageing.

And now my mind wanders back to boy-friends I had in my life-time. To tell you the truth, I cannot remember the first time I looked into any of their eyes… how weird is that? I mean, after once or twice of dating you start seeing the finer things, and notice the actual characteristics and body types and things like hands, and eye-colours, etc. But really, I cannot remember much… so does that mean that these people were “cold’ies” towards me? Just because we didn’t walk together for years on end and didn’t know each other’s deepest secrets? I suppose you can say they were the “coldies”.

And then I think of the one Italian guy I met years ago when back-packing in Europe.  He was married and I was lost and lonely walking the streets of London, looking for place to stay. I cannot remember how or where we met but it was somewhere in magical London. I only remember the moment I walked into the hotel room where he was staying for the night; I knew that there is a God in Heaven that allowed me to meet this lovely soul so that I could jump into a hot shower to get a decent cleansing and have a good nights rest in a bed for a change; since I have been wandering around for almost three days without having a shower. Even in the times when I was far from God, He protected me, what an amazing God we serve! I was young, lost, lonely, and came from SA feeling rejected by a man who treated me like garbage. I wandered around the streets of London for six months.

I realized my new Italian friend just wanted to chat and all I cared about was that there was someone in the world who actually wanted to talk to me. He played me some beautiful Italian music, he held me softly as I would break. He was too scared to touch me even – and it made me feel secure, and yes, I innocently allowed him to hold me. And no, we didn’t have sex because he was married but it was one of the most beautiful nights in my young life”…  He held me like a big brother would have. He didn’t want to cheat on his wife, and I didn’t just want to sleep with a stranger, but in the cold winter nights of London, there we were. Two people who just needed someone to hold on to for a few seconds. He looked me straight in the eyes and whispered something softly in his beautiful Italian language. Then he took his hand and pulled my hair back behind my ears and said: “Ma belle, I cannot cheat on my wife; but I sense you need someone to talk to – tell me, little one, why are you sad?” As I started crying he held me gently and it made me feel safe. We chatted till the morning hours and I made a friend, a real, honest, down-to-earth, warm, gentleman friend in an unknown country! These are the things I find beautiful in this big wonderful world of us; that two total strangers can meet together in a stunning place and just be there for each other for a fleet second; without any complicated commitments or questions about the future. Isn’t life just grand?

I remember waking up when he was already dressed ready to go and he had already made his bed while I was still sleeping. He gave me a tape of Italian music; then gave me money for a good breakfast and kissed me softly – then he left, and that was that. I had another decent hot shower not knowing for how many other days I would be wandering around in the London streets. The breakfast was superb and then I left the hotel. I would say yes, he was hot… and not just hot (good looking) in flesh but “hot” in the sense that he opened up to me within a few hours of meeting. And I cannot remember when that was, because it is more than thirty years ago – it was at a time when I was lost; but I shared a beautiful night with a total stranger, and we “clicked”… so he was a ”hottie” – you get the picture? Thinking back now, I remember his dark brown eyes, like chocolate brown, with a calm and confident look with something like peace; but also doubt… which made me think a little. But it didn’t matter to me, for we became friends in just one night. And if I had to stumble upon him today we would probably hit it off immediately and be the best of friends forever, he was just that kind of guy – a real gentleman.  Anyway, let bygones be bygones. But in my mind I have a beautiful reminiscence, and no-one can ever take that away from me. I felt secure, loved, appreciated, and decently befriended; I felt needed and respected all in one night! What a beautiful night it was… sweet  memories. And then life happened years later and I met the real deal – His Name is Jesus and He totally swept me off my feet!

Today I know there are many people out there that would sleep together if they had a chance like that…  But I am reminded of the Word of God that teaches that a woman should keep herself safe until she is married. And no, it is not a joke. But hardly any young ladies adhere to this teaching today because parents do not make the effort to teach their children right. The girls want to be in a click and the boys belong to a gang and everyone else is trying to impress everybody with who they are or what they are doing, even at a young age of twelve and sometimes younger. There is just no more respect for virgins today!

And then I think about Mary, the mother of Jesus. She was also a young woman when she fell pregnant and not by choice! She was chosen by God especially. Think for a moment how she must have felt when people pointed fingers to her. But God gave her much grace and she was to be the mother of Jesus, our Lord and Saviour. God favoured her because she allowed God to use her in any way He wanted to. Today I understand why Jesus had to be born more than 2000 years ago, because if He had to be born at this time we live in today, no-one would have thought anything of it, because every second women has a baby out of wedlock today. This is why He had to be born more than 2000 years ago when sleeping with someone before a marriage still meant something and it was not permitted according to the Law of the Old Israelites.

Thinking back tonight, I remember another man i met on one of my many travels, he was rude, not nice at all. Yet he was good looking and he knew it. But he was so full of himself, arrogant and self-righteous pride that I could just look at this man and think to myself… “what a waste!”…. so i decided then and there he would be a “Coldie”, and I definitely made a point of avoiding him.  Unfortunately he was friends with my friends, so every time a visited them, he was there. And guess what, after a few times of getting to listen to him talk and giving his own opinions of life and what is happening in the world, i figured that this man is so lost that he would never get a decent wife and of course then i already decided he would be a “Coldie”.  Many times I thought about that man.  If I was saved at that time, I would probably have made sure to tell him about Jesus, but I was also a lost soul who spoke about philosophers of the world, poetry books, a new wine on the market, lovely jewellery, sea-shells, sports, our next holiday by the sea, new soapies on tv, fashion….. urghhh! Oh, how we wasted hours and hours of talking about nonsense, boyfriends, new people at the University, boring classes, girl-friends, the universe and places of interest…. as if any of these were important compared to what I know today….! Now I will tell you how to get into the presence of God; how you can get healed through Jesus, how He saved your soul, and talking about things that are pure, above, and of good report….. my, my, how we change – oh God, thank You for Your Grace upon my life!

But let me continue: Did I ever have a best friend in my life… a man best friend? NO, absolutely NO… for various reasons… most of them just wanted to jump in bed anyway – and I wasn’t that easy! But from all the men I met in my young adult life, there were some that were “cold”, but there were many that were “hot” (again not talking about flesh). And I will go into my “hotties” in another story.
Let us get back to the “bff”… did I ever have a best girl-friend in life. I would like to think I did – twice actually. So I have been blessed. I believe that everyone in life deserves a soul mate, male or female is not the issue here… someone who you can laugh with, cry with, share with, and dream with… someone who can love you unconditionally even while they are mad at you; who can yell at you when they don’t agree with the stupid things you do, but love you enough to accept you for who you are; a person who would not hold things against you forever but make an effort to forget what lies behind and let go. The one single person who will shout for joy when they are happy with you; and who can hold you when you have pain or hurt; or even get drunk… whatever the reason might be. I watched a movie one-time where I saw a girl vomiting, and there she was! Her best friend holding back her hair… see, I never had that! I was always hoping for someone that can encourage me when I feel I had enough, someone who can push me forward in hard times; but also stop me when I was making a fool of myself…. Where are you? I asked myself that question many times…

And then I met her in high school, and was happy that I was easy-going and not at all difficult or hard to get along with so we became best friends; but fate stepped in and I lost her. Then it took me a long time to trust someone again to become her best friend. But a few years back there she was, and I thought life had been kind to bless me with another best friend… until she walked away without a reason, without any explanation, and without a promise of reconciliation. I suppose such is life, and I have a choice now – to accept it and let it be; or to keep on fighting for her attention… how can you be so close to someone for many years and then in an instant it’s just gone… so now I wonder if I should categorize her as being a “coldie” or will she remain a “hottie” since I love her so much – being my best friend and all … strange how life happens! And then I realize i’m am still blessed beyond measure, for even till today she still blesses my church and I pray every day that God will bless her in abundance, so when I rethink this scenario, I decided that she is definitely a “Hottie”, whether I see her or not.  Whether I talk to her or not, she is a “Hottie” and will always be.  Thank You Lord for her friendship in my life.

Now I have to put my sweater on, because it is seriously getting cold. And in my heart a cold feeling tonight – do I really have a friend to whom I can tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth… in this world? Are you kidding? Nobody does that today, everyone is too afraid that their “best friend” might one day turn on them and then all their “stories” are splattered around on Facebook. Let’s face it…nobody does that! I mean, do you have someone you tell everything to? I mean really everything? Because then I see you as one of the luckiest people in the world. Actually not lucky, just blessed! It is something you need to treasure. Tell him or her today that you appreciate them. Before it’s too late…

So is there someone you can share everything with, I mean, really, without holding anything back. Yes, I suppose Christians would say you can go to God and share everything with Him. And I’m fine with that…. But here on the earth, most people still need that intimacy of a close relationship with a human that will stand the test of time. Do you have someone like that? I suppose then you could say: “I have a “hottie”…” I’m talking about a person that is not “cold” towards you, but warm… a “hot” friendship that can last forever until one of you no longer is. At a much ripened age I realize that I probably missed out on one of the most beautiful things in life. To have someone that you can share your innermost being with. I’m not talking about a husband or a wife, because let’s face it, how many marriages today exist where the couple share every single thing that happens to them, with their spouse… well, penny for your thoughts?

Yes, I would have liked to have had someone that I can talk to, share things with that are important for me, to laugh with, dream with, get mad at, and even throw things at, just to realize that this is real life… this is what friendship is all about. Someone who will know you so well that they don’t have to ask what do you want to drink: milo or hot chocolate? What do you prefer: Apple tart or milk-tart? Someone who can order for you while you quickly run to the loo… A person who would know you don’t like loud screaming music, but soft back-ground music; someone who knows you inside and out…. a friend who will pick your hair up when it’s looking like you have come up out of a dumpster.  A person who will respect your ideas; and your dreams and appreciate your thoughts without having to give their own opinion all the time… That one person who knows you so much that it scares you a little. And if you have someone that fits this description you are blessed…. SO, I guess my question to you tonight is: do you have a “hottie”…? Or do you feel “cold” like most people out there…?

Till next time… Laugh a little more, will you? Share something good with someone. Read a new book, just for the fun of it. Get out of your comfort-zone a little… do something you have never done before!… and above all, appreciate your friendships! These are the things in life, that keeps you “warm”.

Tata, Ps Nomsa

Written – May 2012

JESUS DIARY 17 – When we finally get there, wherever “There” is…

WHEN WE FINALLY GET THERE, WHEREVER “THERE” IS…

Good day all, have you ever felt like you did something good, and then you think you made it in life, and later years you look back and realize that was just the actual beginning…. and not the final…. ha ha ha… how frail humans have become, how annoyed we can be during this rat race…!

CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE

So many times i thought i made it;
but if fact i actually never did,
but made the choice to move forward,
cause God taught me how to have a new start…
and now i am on the right path with Jesus on my side
Slowly i open my special blue box….

Dear Jesus Diary,

Dear all,

Have you ever felt like…. life is just not going the direction you want it to go… but you are not sure why?  And even as a child of God it feels like you pray and pray but you just don’t seem to be getting any answers! (Sigh!)… believe me – been there, done that.  “Got the T-Shirt” as some would say.  It seems you are trying your very best to get somewhere and then out of the blue, something happens and everything falls apart.  Is there someone out there that can relate to what I am saying…? I’m sure everybody can.  Most of us have been in different kind of situations in life, some not so good, and others even worse.

So, last night I was watching this movie and something in it “stuck with me”.  You know, sometimes you sit there for 2 hours and all you can take with you is this “one line”.  Now before I tell you what it is, let me explain where I have found myself some years ago so you can understand why I felt the need to talk about this so many years later.  I have been climbing up in life from what I felt like was a “nobody” to a hopeful “somebody”… but I am still on the way… i’l have you know.  In my mind there is this one question… Have I arrived yet? Has life happened for me? Do you ever think about things like these?  

Now here is the thing…. the truth is that I have arrived – all of us have because Jesus already paid the price (Get it?)… there is absolutely nothing more that He need to give you to succeed: He has already given you His ALL… and now, finally I feel that I am on the verge of a major breakthrough in my life through my walk with the Lord and I know that great things are coming for me personally and for our church, but the question remains – am I living Life? Breathing it?… or making it happen?  Are you?  Can you say that you have done everything in life that you ever wanted to do so that you can truly say:  “I have arrived”.  For me personally, let me be totally honest today; I feel that I am well on my way!  Getting there very soon, quickly, speedily, rapidly!  This year is going to be a good year for me, it will be the start of great things happening FOR ME in God’s Kingdom!  But for now, here I am, slowly crawling but adamant that I will get there!

Sometimes in life things happen and you sit down and think about what people did to you.  Let me just immediately stop you and say:  “Don’t even go there!”  Don’t fill your mind with all that nonsense.  So it happened.  Nothing you are going to do is going to change the situation.  Just accept it, forgive quickly, get up and move on!  And don’t you dare tell me “it is too damn difficult, I just can’t forgive!”… don’t you dare!  Because it is only a choice you have to make.  You decide to forgive, and that is that!

And believe me, there is nothing you can say that would want me to feel that you went through more that someone else in life, because ALL had gone through difficult situations sometime or other.  Most of the times, the blame is ours and not someone else’s.  How would you feel if you preach your heart out, delivering an amazing message, shocking people with the truth, healing one or two during the message; and worshipping God that you feel there is nothing else in life you want to do more, and them someone sends you a sms and say: “You irritate me”…. How would you feel?  Of course you would feel hurt.  But you know what? again, you have a choice.  And believe me, there were times I thought to give that woman some credit for my low self-esteem… the audacity! She doesn’t even know me, and yet, she opens her mouth like Jezebel did to Elijah!  And then I decided, what the heck – I will not be another Elijah.  So I wrote her back: “May the Good Lord bless you and keep you, I pray for you to go deeper in Jesus Name.  Shalom”.  And I never went back there again.  Deleted the message and forgave her instantly before that demon starts crawling his way into my heart.  You see, you always have a choice! Like Jesus did… no acceptance of offense.  Stay away from that demon of offense!

Sometimes while I am wondering about God’s next move in my life, I find myself preaching awesome Word of God and suddenly someone gets up and walk out… and there the devil is whispering in my ear again.  “You are no good” he says with his foul mouth.  Then my mind starts wandering while I am still preaching… in the far background I hear my own voice talking about the good Lord and what He can do for you, but in my mind there is a voice that says: “Could they not have at least had the decency just to sit till the end…” And then I answer the little devil: “Yeah, they could have just shown me some respect to stay… seriously!”  And then I hear a laugh… and it’s too late, because I have already answered the little devil and had a conversation with him.  The sly cunning little monster… he tricks you without you even realizing sometimes.  He is so quick to attack when you least expect it.  And then I realized what I did, and I say: “Devil get away from me, get behind me satan!” (to quote the words of Jesus) and the church people jump out of their seats from the authority and loud voice I speak with”  Well, what do you know, mostly it is a good thing, because now they will definitely all be awake, I think… ha ha haha…ha  But really, think about it.  How many times do you allow the little devil to attach himself to you in a conversation when someone else makes you mad?

I just thank God that by now I have learnt that I am not responsible for the actions or sayings that people give me; because that is between them and God; but I do have the choice of what I am going to do with what they give me – those who treat me in a  way I don’t deserve.  Always my choice; I can retaliate, or keep the peace!  And I choose the latter.  So what if they walk out – maybe they were on call from their jobs.  “Relax Nomsa, take it easy; keep going for the ones that are there, because they are hungry for the Word of God.  Help those that are around you.  Don’t worry about the one or two that got up and walked out.  Keep going; persevere as brother Paul said…” I hear His amazing voice.

Sometimes people talk to me anyhow and I wonder if they know “Who I am in Christ”.  And in saying this, I am not being arrogant.  I just figure that if people really truly knew me, they would not talk to me as if i am a dog  because I am protected by the Lord, by His Grace and through His promises in His Word (Psa 105:15).  And if people choose not to listen to me when I give them a Word from God; this does not mean that I am at fault.  It simply means that they need to get to a place where they will not be so full of pride and self-reliance on deciding what they want to do for themselves.  Instead they should rather listen to a word from the Lord that is given by a prophet of God and accepting it; knowing that God has their best interest at hand.  I am not to blame for someone if they do not accept a Prophecy or a Word of Knowledge.  I am doing my job for the Lord, they need to get real, and months later when they find themselves in a situation where they are stuck, then they want to come running to the woman of God and scream “help”.  Well, thank the Lord, that He also taught me how to handle those situations.  This is where your test begins…We are here to help, whether they did the right thing or not, there should be no judgement, only love.  And yes, of course this is difficult!  But Jesus taught us how.  It is much easier if you lay down your own opinions of those people and see them just as a sister or brother in Christ that needs help.  Forgetting what they did to you is easy; Jesus will help you to forgive.

Someone asked me one day why there were only a few cars at our services on a Sunday and I have been here a few years already.  Well, this does not mean that God is not answering my prayers.  It just means that first He was hiding me for a bit, because it was not time yet.  I still had to learn some things.  Then as I humbled myself; (and boy, was that difficult!) then He slowly but surely started opening doors for me to give me a feel of where I was going later in life.  I prayed for some people and they got instantly healed, and I thought….COOL!  Falling on my knees I worshiped Him! Then I went on International Tv and I thought, “Girl, you’ve made it!”  But I didn’t.  Our sponsor only paid for 6 months and after six months of preaching all over the world, I suddenly find myself back in my church preaching for (then) 55-85 people.  All the glory of preaching on International Tv disappeared like smoke from the oven.  But I did not realize that God was showing me little-by-little where He was taking me for one day when I was finally ready to arrive.

As if that was not enough, I was invited to preach in Hamburg Germany, for 2 years in a row.  And again I thought, “Girl, you are on your way!”  And yet, after delivering my very amazing Teachings, I was left alone walking through the streets of Hamburg wondering what is coming next… all alone, I might add (but not bothered because the Holy Spirit walked the streets of Hamburg with me).  On the tour-bus I had a good laugh with Him when something funny happened.  The people around me thought I was crazy because I started laughing by myself… ha ha ha… In a corner shop I shared an ice-cream with the Holy Spirit… yes, ask me how…?  Wouldn’t you want to know?  (Come visit and learn!)  Then I came home and behold…. The invitations kept coming, but the finances were just not there to go…. I just could not understand.  And it was not that I don’t have enough faith in God to provide, it was because I took my eyes off from my Provider and focused on trying to pay my own ticket…. and I just could not get it done! Aaah…. God’s Humor!

Finally by now I have learned that if you want to succeed in life you need the Holy Spirit; and it is certain that you must realize that you can do nothing without the blood of Christ.  By His blood He has already given us the authority to do all that we want to do, in Jesus Name.  Then I was blessed to go on Radio in South Africa for 3 hours every night on our program Kingdom Authority, with two Christian brothers (every Thursday evening); for three and a half years; and I thought: “Well, finally God opened the door for me”.  After a year and a half of being on Radio for 3 hours per night, suddenly they changed the programming, and switched all of them to one hour programs.  Was I upset, of course….flesh!

But what I didn’t realize was that God was preparing me for Professional radio for later in my life.  And for those of you who know how Radio Stations work, there cannot be 3 hour shows of Teachings…. It is just too long, since our concentration span is only 20 minutes to 30 minutes anyway.  With music in between this makes the one hour shows more professional…. And I am still there by grace of God.  But here again, I have to say, it is preparation for later when God will obviously do something with the Radio and me…. I don’t know what, but I am available.  Let’s go, Holy Ghost!

So let me get back to my church… or rather God’s Church, because He is the Author and the Finisher of our church.  You see, I know all the right things to say.  Whether we know it and live it; or know it and ignore it, is two sides of the story, as every Pastor out there will tell you.  And so here we are, preaching every Sunday afternoon from 17H00 until whatever time, and I have been doing it for the last ten years.  Do I get tired of doing it….sometimes!  Do I feel like moa ever wanted to quit?  Of course!  Do I feel that I am wasting my time…never!…  You see, you always have to look at the bigger picture.  I know that God has a great plan for my life.  It is evident that Jesus and me (Jesus in me) are going to shake the world…. literally and spiritually, and physically, that is!  I know that God has called me for a time such as this, and here I am.  No husband…. He died from cancer almost twenty years ago.  And that is another story – wait for it… And with my son abroad working and living in the Hamptons, New York (doesn’t it just sound so important to mention that word?)… Yes, my son lives in the “Hamptons”…. Ha ha ha ha… not far away from the Kardashians, did you know…?

So now I feel like, this is my time.  I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, I was probably not the best mother; nor the best daughter; and definitely not the best sister or friend; and being a wife, well, it had its moments; but I always tried to satisfy my God, no matter what.  And sometimes I just felt like I was not worthy enough.  You know – the tricks that the devil plays on us!  Liar, Liar…devil, your pants are on fire!

And so I was waiting upon God in the last few years to do something with my life…. When it suddenly dawned upon me that God is waiting for me to actually start doing something with my life!  Because He has already provided everything we need to build this beautiful big church here in the Vaal triangle and I trust Him completely that He can and will do it.  In fact, I rely on Him for doing it.  All the promises and scriptures and uplifting messages and prophecies that I have received in the last twenty years of my life, is finally coming in bit by bit… the puzzle is forming a picture.  And I realize now where I had gone wrong; I know where I have missed a turn; I know where I said the wrong thing; I know where I took the wrong actions; I know where I messed up…. to put it bluntly.  And I am so thankful for that because during my pain, struggles, and trying to keep going while feeling that I was losing it somehow, it suddenly just started falling into place in the last year.  You know, when you can learn to praise God amidst the pain you are going through, it does something for your faith-walk.

And I am on the verge of a breakthrough in my “running-the-race” for the Lord.  Yes, I know something BIG is coming (soon!).  All the nights I cried myself to sleep because there was no-one to talk to; and all the waiting for a return sms that never came; even the phone messages left which that was never returned; and all the invitations that was bluntly ignored; just couldn’t get this thought out of my mind… someday it would all have been worth it!  And of course while struggling through all the rejection from people, loss of a loved one; losing a lot of money… (let’s do that story another time!)…  going through all of that – I still held on to the promises of God in the back of my mind and in my heart.  There were days of non-stop studying of God’s Word for years on end – and I know it is finally going to pay off… BIG TIME!  Bearing also in mind my house was quiet mostly during day-time and especially at night since I do not have friends that visit because… well, there is nobody!.. I still feel that a huge break in my walk with the Lord is coming soon, very soon.  Quickly, speedily, rapidly as Pastor At would say.  Thank you for that one At!  I claimed it for myself, hope you don’t mind?

And may I add, while I am being totally HONEST in my blog; that I could have done so much more if I was not addicted to Romantix-movies, Gibbs, Rizolli and the Big bang theory…. Which is exactly what it is; only a theory…. puff in the wind!  Ha!  I don’t agree with Sheldon on the scientific outlook on life, but man, do I enjoy the little Jew and his perfect little Barbie-doll wife (congratulations to the producers for this cute couple); and of course there’s mr goodie-two-shoes “too good to be true Leonard and his “penny”; and Amy, gotta love her with her chaste beginnings and patience with “Shelly”… I would not have been able to have such patience with a man like that… but then to begin with, I would never have been with a man like that – pure selfishness, but such innocence as a little child, what a character!

But let me get back to the church… you see how easy it is for the devil to distract your mind – did I prove it now to you!  See, that is how our lives are sometimes.  We know to do the right things; yet we don’t.  We know how to say the right things, yet, we screw it up and someone takes offense.  We know how to dress and yet, sometimes and “old younger-version” looks back at you from the mirror and think “Who are you?” but still you go out without make-up and dirty hair hoping no-one will recognise the Pastor from the local church… ai!  We know how to carry ourselves (being Christian and all) and yet, that obnoxious man gets a sign from you for driving you into the gutters next to the highway.  We know how to quote the right scriptures, and even explain them to others, yet, the simplicity of living the live we proclaim eludes us like a balloon that went up in the air… and although you see him for a while, you know soon he will be gone; and then you realize, that is exactly how life is.  Now you are here; and then you could be gone…. And still the question remains: “Has life finally happened for you?”

PS: “What was your perfect day”…. the perfect line, isn’t it? The one day that stands out in your life – the one day that could not have been more perfect than what it was – this was the line in the movie that caught my attention. WHAT WAS YOUR PERFECT DAY? (IN YOUR LIFE?) Do you have such a day… ?

I do – It was a cold rainy night in Bloemfontein.  I was all alone…. Seems it’s just always been me and God.  I was listening to gospel music, the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard in my life, and on the old big round black record was coming the question, around-and-around it turned, just as it did in my heart…Isn’t He, Beautiful?… Isn’t He, Wonderful… Councillor, Almighty God… and I fell down on my knees and wept.  I gave my heart and my soul (the body part came later) and it felt like I lost something; but at the same time gained so much more in another dimension.  And I knew that day, back in May 1992… LIFE HAPPENED!  Of course to walk it, is another story for another day.  But I am getting there, and I am thankful.  Isn’t He beautiful? Isn’t He wonderful? …

Son of God; (Author): Prophetic Teacher Nomsa – TRT International Church

JESUS DIARY 16 – Expectations and Disciples

EXPECTATIONS and DISCIPLES

Today i want to share a piece with you that i wrote some years ago when i was old enough to realize what was going on around us.  May you be inspired by this piece to do the right thing: Pray!

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

Oh God what a world this has become,
a good life, but only for some,
it doesn’t make sence to me,
how can we just let it be…
Slowly i open my special blue box….

Dear Jesus Diary, 

Have you ever noticed how things in life just don’t mix together… or do they?  Sinners and Saints will not mix for various reasons and yet, they belong together in a sense.  And if you understand the Kingdom teaching, I need not explain… We can talk to Chef’s in the world who will tell you there are different foods you just don’t mix.  Have you ever heard Chef Ramsey scream and swear at someone because they used the wrong kind of fish in a dish?  You just do not put Biltong and pink Pronutro together in a bowl, get it?  You do not mix apricot jam with peanut butter and eat in on a sandwich… halloooo!  Then there was my friend who enjoyed cauliflower on her bread with tomato-sauce… urgh!  I am not even going to try and describe that.  Rachel, one of my congregation members said she liked gherkins with peanut butter on toast; and also niknaks-chips with avocado on bread… I’m speechless! Another lady in my church told me that they have porridge twice a day because they have no other food; but because they don’t have milk, they put black coffee on their porridge… I think this might make me nauseous!  A young guy I met once told me that he enjoyed Potato-mayonnaise salad with honey (weird!) and someone else enjoyed pea-soup with “chocolate sprinkles”.  The uncanny things people do!  There are just things that should not be put together.  And sadly the world has “adopted” this recipe and started believing that certain people should not be seen together either! Lord, how sad this world has become.

A good Bakery might have the perfect pie and the Baker might say to bake that perfect pie it needs certain ingredients and some things just cannot be mixed together since it will change the taste of the pie.  Even using the wrong kind of dough might spoil the outcome – go figure!  Some breweries will tell you to make the perfect beer you use only certain ingredients and cannot add anything on to it.  Then there is different kind of people that (some believe) just do not need to be sitting together because they have nothing in common except for the fact that they are human.  And of course, we can now write a hundred and twenty-six pages on that topic alone, I think they call it “discrimination”… help us, Lord.

There are many examples I can mention down here, but at the end it comes down to the fact that people in the world today put everything in different classes… because they have EXPECTATIONS! If you have a darker skin you belong to the group that have “darker skin-tones”.  If you have a lighter skin-tone you belong to the group that have that color skin; if you are yellow or pink… well, that is debatable and so it continues.  Not only do people put you in a race class, but also according to riches.  If you are the son of a multi-millionaire, you are not going to make friends with the farmer’s boy… and neither will the Prom-queen make friends with the English freckled down-to-earth nerdy girl who just joined your school.  Things are just not done in that way.   Worldly people today look at people and first impression lasts, while figuring out in their mind that they will never “mix” with him or her, because of where they come from.  Another issue which is important is back-ground.  If you lived in New York then you will not be best friends with someone who cannot talk with you about the shops in New York; the foodstuffs that are available; the music people listen to; the restaurants that has the best food in the Hamptons; or the lovely houses in Long beach.  You are not going to make friends with someone who cannot appreciate the tall buildings; the job-hunting craze and the fashion sense of “The Big Apple”.  No way, you will find someone who came from New York (like yourself) who will be able to relate to what you are saying when you sip on your Margherita at the Pub on the corner in Manhatten…. or dance the night away in Queens!

If you are the child of a Military man; you just do not mix with the brothers down in Harlem surroundings… capiche? And if your mother was a Cheer Leader you can make peace with the fact that you are going to have to fill her shoes whether you want to or not!  Your Jocky-dad will also expect you to join the Soccer team or jump on the River and take part in the rowing competition because his team has been carrying the trophy for the last twenty years and there never had been another team at your school that could break the record; so naturally you must follow daddy’s shoes (or shall I say “oars”) and row yourself until you feel like you have become a Viking trying to escape from the hoards that follow you on the river.  Parent’s high expectations from their children had many times been the demise of their teenagers.

The sad thing about this “classifications” of people is that most of the time it is really unnecessary.  I have spoken to and learned of so many people that have become best friends with total opposites.  Daddy’s rich girl often do not marry the choice of the Father but instead her tough bike-rider all- tattoo’s gang member and guess what – they live happily ever after.  So many jocks that never wanted to be friends with the nerds find that at the end it might be the nerd who saved your life in a situation; and you become best friends forever.  Strange how life happens, isn’t it?  The cheer-leader might walk miles around the “gig” until one day the same “gig” helps her and saves her from public humiliation and whalla!…  BFF is the result!  Many years ago in church I have seen even groups of people which we call “clicks” gathering together every Sunday after church and they will only speak to those in the “click” and ignore the others, even after I have just preached a message on “love everybody equally”… I have found with years of watching with excitement that anything can go in a church… yes, even in a church things unnaturally occur… aaah – expectations!  Thank God that those clicks have now gone, and we have peace and liberty in our church. Praise God!

It seems our expectation in life of whom we decide to be friends with, does not always happen in the way we think is best for us.  There was a lady in my church whom I thought I could never be friends with, and today she is not just a congregation member, but also my sister in Christ, and what is more… a friend in times of need!  Sometimes I wish that people did not have so much expectation from friends and family.  The little girl whom you thought would never get into trouble gets herself pregnant at a young age; and the one whom you expected it from are still single and content at age 27… Then there is the issue of color difference.  Because I have friends that are another color, I am being thrown outside of the “circle of friends” where I have been a part of for many years.  With everything that is going on in SA, lighter skin-toned people now stand against the same color if we are too friendly with darker skin-toned friends, and visa-versa.  You also get the darker skin people that turn their back on their same color “family” because they befriend light skin-toned people… how sad this world has become?  And then you find those that have become BFF’s forever and would never hurt each other, two friends: one dark skin and one light skin, and nothing will ever separate the friendship no matter what… and then there are people in the world that are against this kind of friendship… really? What’s wrong with you?!

If we have to talk about expectations then I have to turn to the Bible and go to the twelve Disciples that Jesus chose for His work and Ministry during those times.  I don’t think for one moment that Jesus had any expectation towards His Disciples.  He knew exactly who they were, what they were about, and He knew how they were going to play a part in the advance of the Kingdom of God.  I imagine our Lord laughing silently when he heard them swear a little; scream a little; get annoyed at each other; or simply get irritated with each other because they could not grasp what was really happening the first few weeks.  I imagine the Lord chuckling softly behind their backs because He knew what they were on about.  I do not think for one minute that everything went smoothly and without problems just because Jesus was in their midst.  I am sure some disciples had arguments with each other along the way about certain issues, and even while discussing the Pharisees and Sadducees, there might have been quarrels.  I can just imagine how they growled at each other when they disagreed.  What we need to remember is that these were fisherman.  Have you ever met a fisherman?  They are rough… bold!  They do not easily make excuses and they are not soft spoken.  They swear and scream and will slap you silly if you made a mistake with the nets.  This is what most fisherman are all about!  And these are the kind of people Jesus chose to walk the way with Him.

Here we have the Messiah walking on earth – pure, holy, righteous, friendly, self-controlled and disciplined with everything He did… with much patience and kindness.  He was a giver… always giving – whether it was healing or giving food.  Whether He was delivering someone or setting something straight.  He gave of Himself in every single situation He was involved in.  Not once did He say He will pray and ask His father if He might heal someone, He just did it!  Not once did He ponder about something first, He always had the right answer according to the Word of God.  Never did He leave without doing something good.  Although he was not welcomed in every place, He still went there and did a good deed.  His mind must be filled with an automatic spiritual “do good today” button that goes off every few minutes… this is how I imagine it to be.  Because everything that came out of Him is good, pure, holy, righteous and consecrated before God.  One would have imagined in those years that the Leaders (Pharisees, Sadducees, and Sanhedrin of the Jewish Council) would have wanted Him to be on their side, and party with them instead of going around with a few rough fishermen.  I can understand why they thought Him to be a danger to them.  He never did anything their laws commanded.  He didn’t follow in their footsteps, but rather made His own Way and invited others to follow Him.  Never once did He beg anybody to become a follower, He simply gave them a choice and left it at that. (Oh my God, how amazing is Your Son).

Can you for one minute imagine how difficult it must have been for these fishermen to leave everything they had behind and start walking behind a man that had nothing?  Or so it must have seemed to them. They didn’t know Who He was the first time He called them.  Once they decided to follow Him, they left everything they had… wives, children, parents even, and their life’s work – fisher boats.   If you really want to talk about things that do not belong together, there you have it!  It seems almost unlikely that Jesus Christ would make followers from the least expected bunch and yet He did!  Maybe Judas Iskariot (the man of Kerioth; the man of murder) thought himself to be better than the others because he was not a fisherman but a clerk, an educated scholar.  The Bible tells us that he was the son of perdition; but I wonder what would have happened if indeed… in a moment of remorse, Judas decided not to betray Jesus?  I know it is not likely to have happened, because God had planned from the beginning of the earth that Judas would be born to betray Jesus, but let us just think about this for a moment… we are talking about things that don’t belong.  How much more did Judas not belong with the fishermen and especially with Jesus.  Yet, Judas became part of their inner-circle because Jesus knew the plan and purpose for his life was to betray Him.

If there was ever someone that would teach us to accept anybody as a friend and not to discriminate, it was Jesus.  He showed us that He made friends with sinners; prostitutes; tax collectors; roman citizens; children, rough fishermen and even some of the Sanhedrin… he did not once raise any expectation from anybody but only that they might believe in Him whom the Father sent.  That was the only condition for living in the Kingdom of God.  Not once did He say to a Roman citizen in authority that he could not help him, he healed his son from the moment He saw the man’s faith.  Never did he chase the prostitute away when she clinched to His feet… but I can imagine Him putting His hand on her head to comfort her… not once did He chase a sick person away and told them that He was busy.  Never did He force anybody to do something unusual to them; He only invited them to listen.  He spoke with authority, healed with compassion, delivered with force, maintained with love, and taught with knowledge.  He made a spectacle of the devil by being raised from the dead and He gave His children the keys of the Kingdom to live in Authority.

Yet here we are!  The human race: fighting with each other; breaking others down; talking bad and negative things of friends; and telling secrets of previous BFF’s on FB.  We would rather kill each other than to live in harmony and peace.  We would rather steal from others some things that do not belong to us, instead of working hard and honest to get what we want.  We rape children and women (men too!) and burn each other with tyres.  We use panga’s to destroy a perfectly physical body which was made in the image of God; and then we laugh about it.  We murder each other, rape and steal and wonder why our country is in the mess that it is in?  We gossip about our best friends; we tell lies about others; and steal from our jobs, and wonder why God didn’t heal our family member or friend when we prayed.  We don’t respect our parents, and we send threats out to others whom we don’t like because of a difference in colour, and we ask God… why is our country in this mess?  We quote the scripture in 2 Ch 7:14 “If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land”…. And then we have a great expectation that God will move and do something for us… while God is saying: Love each other; pray for your enemies; help those who hurt you; pray for your prosecutors; bless someone; give food to the hungry; and clothe the poor…

WHEN WILL WE UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE RACE – THE HUMAN RACE!  Must God send a zombie virus that will start to destroy humans all over the world, until we will realize we need each other? How is that for “expectation”? Will we finally stick together and help each other when there is another force destroying the human race…?

No, I am not a doom prophet, I am far from it.  I love positive confessions and do them all the time.  Over our country, over our church, over our people (dark-skin and lighter-skin and in between), over our finances, over our needs…. We confess and declare by faith that God is our Jehovah Jireh, the Lord our Provider, but with the expectation that He will provide for us, there is the most important confession that should be uttered by every believer in Christ: SALVATION.  This is the only thing that will heal our land.  SALVATION will turn everything around.  When believers start standing together, and pray for all the murderers, and rapists, and thieves to get saved, and they do receive the gift of salvation, then it will sort out the problem we have in our land.  Because once a rapist and murderer is forgiven and saved by the blood of Jesus, then they won’t rape, steal or murder again… hellooooo!  This is the solution to the problem in South Africa.  Our solution is not the “Wolwe”; our solution is not a new Government; or even the CPF which really helps so much to keep us safe AND MAY God bless them for their hard work! Our solution is not to keep asking God to heal our land… our solution is to pray for the murderers, the rapists, the thieves… get them saved, then God will heal our land.  LOVE your ENEMIES, and PRAY for your PROSECUTORS… it is a hard Word, but it is God’s Word!

  • Mat 5:44 But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, [Prov. 25:21, 22.]
  • Luk 6:27 But I say to you who are listening now to Me: [in order to heed, make it a practice to] love your enemies, treat well (do good to, act nobly toward) those who detest you and pursue you with hatred,
  • Luk 6:35 But love your enemies and be kind and do good [doing favours so that someone derives benefit from them] and lend, expecting and hoping for nothing in return but considering nothing as lost and despairing of no one; and then your recompense (your reward) will be great (rich, strong, intense, and abundant), and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind and charitable and good to the ungrateful and the selfish and wicked.

Hey South Africa, wake-up!  The solution is PRAYER!… not for you, but for the old white man that raped your daughter, yes! Pray for him and forgive him.  Pray for the thieves that broke into your house and stole your much loved material things.  Pray for the man who murdered your parents.  Pray for the tsotsi who raped your teenage daughter… PRAY, PRAY, PRAY… and God will heal your land!

God’s expectation of the human race is a perfect Kingdom life here on earth where there can be love, peace and harmony between people.  This is God’s expectation from you… can you satisfy your God and do what His Word expects you to do.  Pray for those who hurt you…. Can you?  Are you a real Disciple in the sense of the Word?  Do you know that God loves you but He also loves the Sinner’s.  He hates the crimes they commit, but He loves the sinner and wants him to be freed from the destruction path he is on.  You can make a difference!  You can pray for the sinner, and God will honour you and heal our land!

I never said it will be easy, so don’t yell at me.  I can almost hear in your mind “Do you know what those bastards did to my parents”?  I hear you, and God hears you too.   It is almost unthinkable that you will go to jail where those “bastards” are kept, to go and take their hand and pray for their salvation… and tell them that you forgive them.  It is almost sickening to think that you might not want to go and do the right thing… but yet you are a “Christian”?  You have enough money in the bank to help the teenage boy who stole from you… you can give him a job and teach him what the Bible says… but no, he stole from you, why would you help him… right? WRONG!  You are not prepared to give sympathy to anyone who hurt someone else in your family, but this morning you prayed and asked God to “heal your land”….?

“The audacity”…. you say to me.  You ask how I can expect you to pray for someone that hurt your Family?  Well, it is easy.  You either have the spirit of God or not.  Jesus said: “Turn the other cheek”… Many times people tell me that someone was killed then I pray for the family for strength during that time; and then also pray for the murderer to be saved… guess what?  Then they don’t want my prayer anymore.  How dare I pray for someone who hurt them to get saved… but you are a Christian?… but “don’t pray for them Pastor Nomsa, they killed my daughter”.  “Don’t pray for them, they are monsters!” and then you follow it up with “May they rot in hell!” … but you are a Christian?  I really think you do not understand the Kingdom of God.  God loves that murderer too.  And He wants that murderer to get saved.  If you want the truth about the gospel of Jesus, here I am giving it to you straight, without cutting any corners!  You cannot express yourself as a Christian if you wish a murderer to go to hell!  I thought Jesus was living in you?… what does Jesus feel for that murderer?  Let me help you – love and compassion.  He hates the demon that is living in that murderer.  God wants that person to be delivered!  Where are you, oh Christian that must deliver the murderer from that killing spirit?… NO!  You won’t do it, you would rather swear and scream at him, and confess hell to be his resting place.  And then you pay your tithes and expect God to help you…?

Rise oh beloved South Africa… it is time!  Start praying for those who hurt us, pray for salvation for them and their families. Pray for those who raped your daughters and mothers and boys and fathers – Eze 33:20 (Read from V1-20).  Pray for those who stole from you.  Pray for those who gunned down your best friend.  Pray for those who killed your parents in their homes.  Pray for those who killed the Farmer with a panga.  Pray for those who hate you without any reason but only color difference.  Pray for the ones who deliberately confess negative actions and sayings over other colored people.  Pray for those who used bombs to kill our people and also pray for those who poisoned our youth with a spirit of genocide.  Pray for those who create disorder, confusion and division between South-Africans.  Because South Africa belong to the people irrespective of what your color is!  Pray for those who lied to you.  Pray for those who took your jobs unfairly and left you poor; resulting in your family ending up in a squatter camp.  Pray for the negative influences over our youth.  Pray, pray and pray… and don’t stop praying.  Be a true disciple of Jesus… this is the Lord’s expectation from His believers… are you one?  He doesn’t look at what fits together or what does not fit together.  He wants peace between people of all colors against all odds.  Join hands with us now and start praying fervently for the SALVATION of the crooks, murderers, rapists, thieves, liars, fraudsters, and our Government, etc.

This is God’s Word… and His EXPECTATION… pray with faith and wait with a great expectation for Him to heal our land!

JESUS DIARY 15 – God’s amazing Love

Hi everyone, today i am asking a question to each and everyone of you – it is about your destiny?  … but let me not say anything, just read the story!

GOD’S AMAZING LOVE                                                                                            

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

There is but one dear love, and it can fit you like a glove;
if you accept His warm embrace; He will shower you with Grace;
Thank You Lord for all Your love, i feel like a free flying dove;
in Your presence i will remain, and there more and more i will gain…
…slowly i opened my special blue box…

Dear Jesus Diary,

Today I want to start with a question: Have you stepped into your destiny yet?  Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t… perhaps you were held back because you have not found “you” yet; and with that I mean, figured out your own identity.  It might be that somewhere inside is a “you” that want to escape the way I did many years ago.  It could be that after reading this story you might realize that you are worth more than you think because God loves you so very much.  It could even be that after reading this story, you would want to close your current book of life; and get into a new season starting a brand new chapter of your life. This story can take you to a spiritual world that might have never been explained to you in the way I’m trying to; but if in experiencing it the way I want you to; and you do find your destiny I pray you not only find the true self, but also the true Holy Spirit… well, then it was all worth it spending the time to share this with you… and I’d write it again.

I cannot explain the Holy Spirit to you in pages and pages unless I start with one word: LOVE.  This word called Love…. It not only explains who God the Father is, but also who Jesus is, and when it comes to the Holy Spirit; you will not only get to know the Spirit, but feel it, sense it, live it, dream it, sleep it, eat it, and be immersed into His love… without a doubt the best journey you could decide to take in all your life.

There is only one love- one passion! You will find it in the scriptures of the Word of God if one should choose to go searching. NO matter what happens to you in life, but true passion will always remain… if once you have been joined to the Spirit, it is difficult to draw away again.  But let’s talk about Passion – what is true passion? How can you enjoy something you don’t know? And how can you get to know something, if you are not interested?   If a young man wants to know a woman, he’s going to make an effort to get to know her.  With God it works the same way.  God’s love is daringly waiting to be explored by you to indulge into the language of a foreign, strange, but yet beautiful classic spiritual world.  Oh, please… please allow me to introduce you to God’s true love.

Dear friend – You are special to the Creator; and that’s something you should never forget.  It doesn’t matter where you slept, with whom… what you have done… it really doesn’t matter!  What you have said in life… it doesn’t matter!  The only thing important is that you must know – Jesus loves you.  Yes You! He doesn’t so much look at where you wake up; in what condition your flesh is; how many tattoo’s you have; what the color of your hair is; whether you wear false eye lashes or how many marks of previous drug-use is on your arms… all He cares about, is to love you and to be a good Father for you.  What more do you want in life?  If God has you in His eyes directing your life, and He throws His love upon you…who am I not to do the same?

I wish moa had the ability to write you (my spiritual neighbor) a poem, since you deserve one… in fact, every creature God created deserves a poem… it really does not matter where you have been in life because God doesn’t care about things like that.  All He cares about is to get you out of that situation and to show you His unyielding and never-ending Love.  And sometimes He uses people like us to show you… Today’s strangers can always be tomorrow’s friends; or more, brothers and sisters in the Kingdom.  But sometimes we miss the opportunity to bring people into the glorious Kingdom, because of our own carnal ways and mind-set…

Oh! My explanation of God’s Love to you might seem dull since I don’t have the right words to use… but how I love the sweetness of words mixed together on paper.  To share God’s Love with you can enliven your wildest imagination; taking you into a world of God’s love beyond anything you’ve ever known.  A world where nothing human plays a part; where even spiritual balloons seem to be something so special that you cannot let them go… A world filled with His love which make’s ice-cream not just ice-cream, but a sweet taste into your deepest spiritual feelings.  A world filled with God’s love where laughing is spontaneous; where your marriage to Christ is alive and real; a world where singing is an art; where crying is beautiful; and where sharing love with the Holy Spirit is extravagant. The Kingdom of God where His never-ending love abides is a world where birds speak a language you understand; where fishes sings a lullaby; where the tame animals and the untamed worship their Creator every second of every day and the wind takes you to heights above your human understanding…

There is a world so pure and innocent; so immensely beautiful; so deep and real – alive! If you should for one second throw yourself into the beauty of the love God gives… just for one second, it would change your life forever.  You would never be the same.  Could never be!  Most people think they have a good relationship with God, and you might; but have you been captured and taken up by His love.  Has He captured you whole-heartedly… immensely… deeply?

God’s Love could be the radiance of the light in the street; it could be love in the fresh morning breeze; or the look in a strangers eyes; it can be a new-born baby in the hospital; or a swan on the calm water-pond.  His love can be the dolphin’s playing with the waves; it can also be the sun setting in pastel colors of display.  His deep love can be a stranger’s smile, part of a beautiful creature for this particular time in your life, created to give you only one second’s pleasure…. One second it is there, and then it is gone, leaving behind a feeling of joy even though you cannot shake it or explain it.  Little pleasures God gives us from each other – therein lie the treasure of true passion… His love can also be heard in the whisper of a man in love to his soul-mate.  God’s love can be music in dark places or ballet-dancers on the stage… it can be a rainbow in the sky or a buzzing of a bumble-bee… His Love is so amazingly seen in His creations… His Love is in the stunning eyes of a child; in the laugh of a teenager who still lives in freedom… His love is captured in the sound of the thunder and the soft rain upon your skin… His Love is sounds… and these sounds are intoxicating; melodies are the love of God floating in sun-shining alleys.

Imagine standing at the top of a “once very well-known” route between somewhere and no-where.  Faces echoing in the wind, personalities carved in the sand-stone where many moonlight’s ago Casanova (lover of all woman) roamed the streets of Venice.  Over-dressed woman longing for that one night when they were swept off their feet by a stranger with full-hands and a kiss in every touch… it can be a heated romance.  Yes, it sounds magical, doesn’t it?  But in this world it is a carnal act of pleasure for a moment which leaves nothing worth holding onto.  Casanova was symbolic of Love in this world… those days where daily chores were limited to endless small-talk and walks in the ever-green gardens with fountains longing for your attention… just this once… drops of water splashing down calling your name for an ever-lasting moment.  As did every drop of blood splashing down from the cross of Calvary calling your name for eternity… now THIS is ever-lasting!  All the above does not compare to the love of Christ, the love of the Holy Ghost and the love the Father has for you.  And…it’s not something you have to look for and wait for because it’s already out there… capture it if you dare, accept it, and make it your own!

What is it about God’s love that people don’t understand? There’s a difference between liking God and loving God. His love in this world is like flowers… stunning colors with stripes, dots and speckles, big and small.   His love is like food…. the spiritual believer can perceive the physical bread as being spiritual bread of life; but the carnal cannot perceive the spiritual Bread of life (Jesus) as essential to survive in this world – 1 Cor 2:14. Just like a carnal person cannot understand the Kingdom of God – but the spiritual person can perceive the natural things of this earth… food, a home-cooked meal… a fancy dish (tasty pleasures of the world).  I like home-made curry, but love macaroni and cheese, the kind that laugh at you and make you feel important when cheese is flowing between little strips of cooked dough.  It’s like discovering a new friend; funny, good looking, smelling great.  It gives a message of “Now and forever stuck on you”.  And that’s how the love of God is.  Forever, stuck on you!  The only thing to date that has kept me going is His spiritual love. What is it that makes people move forward?  Somehow, somewhere, it always has to do with love…

Jesus loves everyone He created.  It is so sad that we as humans battle to do the same!  We usually like the people that likes us, and don’t like the ones who don’t like us…ouch!  To be honest: I like people who like me; but appreciate people who love me more.  Sometimes there are people looking into my eyes seeing me for the first time after knowing me for almost 7 years – it’s like they notice me for the first time for who I truly am.  It’s like after that, they can just close their eyes and know that I am with them – because I am…. You see, once two people on the earth has looked into the eyes of another, and perceived who that person is; or discerned what is going on in his/her soul – they will be in your mind forever even if you never ever see them here on earth again.  And this is exactly the way Jesus loves you… He closed His eyes on the cross…… and you are with Him forever (whether you know Him or not!)… He paid the price for You also!  He’s with you!  He’s watching over you…2 Cron 16:9…. And you cannot stop Him watching over you!  He is calling your name forever and a day showing you how much He loves you through His creations!  Maybe that’s why I love Jesus – for He loves me just the way I am; and I am so far from perfect, but He chose me!  And He loves you – just the way you are!  With your “not so good” features – maybe jealousy, arrogance, a temper, skeleton-secrets, your lies, a possible drinking problem, your smoking habits…. But HE LOVES YOU!

“I am that I am”.  These are the words that God said to Moses in the desert.  And we are reborn into His image…. If He is love…..you are love.  You were created into His image to give what He is giving.  And He with His never-ending Love lives inside of you… so may I ask this question: who is coming forward when you speak to your loved-ones?  And if we do not always handle them with God’s love, what about the stranger in the street…?

We might not like certain things in life… but if you have the Love of God in Your Spirit, it will come forward in every situation you find yourself.  For instance, I don’t like seeing people get hurt and I don’t like watching poverty…  I also don’t like looking at people dying.  I hate looking at pictures of little babies with big stomachs and no flesh, but just bones – the kind you see from Ethiopia.  I don’t like things that make me feel I have more than other people.  When I look at the sick, there is a desire to make them better and to give them what I have – excellent health!  To show them that life is more than pain and suffering… and to give them some comfort.  I want to make them laugh, even if it may be the last time. And when I get those feelings, I know this is not me, but a higher power inside of me.  I want to give them something more than what they’ve had until now.  I don’t like working with drug-addicted people, or prostitutes, or cancer- or aids-patients, yet, in the midst of my “not liking” a deeper influence rises up from within me, creating a “caring” for these people.  Making me realize I might be the last hope they ever have of living longer for a few more days, or minutes or seconds… It is a caring so deep, unpredicted, unconditional… a caring which is so profound, so true and honest – a caring that can only come from a deep rooted source within me, alas…. not my own!  But it is His to give and His to use; and me to make a choice (Free will); to except the responsibility or to walk away…  True love… True passion!  A cell-phone can never replace a smile and a piece of paper can never replace of sense of touch.

Love is something everybody writes about sooner or later.  For some it’s a feeling, for some it’s part of a character.  Some describe it as passion – which truly is the closest, according to me that you’ll ever get to explain this wonderful gift. Because love is a gift from God….and even more than that – God is love… as genuine as it can be!  Love has been a part of your life throughout.  You might not always understand it correctly…but it’s there…unmistakably! It is difficult to explain love… sometimes it’s a wanting to know more than we do – we are just like drifters calling for a friend, a brother or sister, a stranger you desire to know, but not meet.  Love can make you or break you and also, love can fade – but passion always remain; true passion that is. I am talking about God’s passion that He gave through His Son; the Passion of the Christ that He gave unconditionally without holding back.  Do you give this kind of love to those around you?

Listening to an album of “Acker Balk” I realized that most songs is about love.  One song says: “I wanna know what love is… I wanna feel what love is …. I want you to show me….”  Yes – it’s a worldly song, but you don’t have to listen to it with a carnal mind? Get into Spirit.  Why don’t we use that line for a prayer to God?   Father, I wanna know what love is…. Holy Spirit, I wanna feel what love is …. Jesus, I want you to show me…..!

How do you show love to those who don’t like you? I had to study people to define what I understand about love.  I saw love in the face of two old people walking in the park knowing that their time is up, holding hands, laughing and feeding bread crumbs to the birds.  I’ve seen it in the eyes of a young innocent girl, who lost her virginity in an act of utter stupid-ness built on hopes and dreams from a stranger she knew only two weeks, and due to Johnny Walker.  The birds of the air cried love to the on-listening people sitting next to the dam between the reeds, reading poetry from some influential writer.  God’s Love exploded in the face of the father who played with his daughter in the park on Sunday afternoon. The summer wind swept swiftly through my hair on my motorbike, leaving a sense of accepting love with its breeze.  Even riding a motorbike can be beautiful with the Holy Spirit alongside you.  I felt love in the touch of my child when being born; small hands grasping, holding on to the only and first real people-experience ever encountered into… with Love.

I often wonder how you can ask someone to show you something if in fact, they themselves are totally lost, not knowing what you are talking about.  Love definitely means different things to different people.  To the romantic it would be an incomprehensible affection which gives new meaning to the phrase “love is blind”.  To the first love it would be a joy, an un-explainable feeling that allows you to live of love and fresh air.  For the woman-hunter… well, that’s another story for another time!  To the honest young-man with a brilliant career ahead, looking for someone to share it with – love starts off as “courtship”, developing into an act of love.  The chosen girl would only appreciate the “fondest love” a true and honest man can give.  For most people, it’s an act of showing a feeling… until the feeling changes and then nothing remains, but to play a role they were not born to fulfill.  That’s where most people are today, sitting somewhere they don’t belong!.. with God’s Love flowing by awaiting them to accept it…!

Another song says: ”I just called to say I love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart”.  Which makes me realize that there are people out there who have a certain kind of… aaah… let’s call it “affection” towards someone that they would like to describe to that person.  They describe it as being deep love or an awareness of “amazing feelings” with significant sensational promises.  A kind of “I can’t live without you so why don’t we grow old together” kind of affection and sometimes with a second impending marriage proposal: “let’s get married and have babies” kind of adoration seen as love including “mâle et femelle” robes for passionate nights… and everything else that seems important up to the day of the wedding… Does that sound familiar? Have you had worldly promises like these…?

A true Christian would describe love with only one scripture: “John 3:16; for God so loved the world that He gave ….”  For me, the whole essence of our “being here” starts with that scripture. Why else are you here, you are here to do what He did.  He gave… All the time Jesus walked on the earth He gave…. Healing…. Deliverance…. Protection…  Providing…. Love…..Joy… Peace… He gave and gave and gave…….the recipe for true love is in the giving… can you follow in His footsteps?

To the normal person it can be a love-tie with one specific person, until the fire burns out.   Whatever love-story you have to tell – it can never be the same as the person next to you.  Love is a word with a meaning behind it; a meaning that not many people try to analyze or explain.  The fondest love today can be between a grandpa and his little grand-daughter…therein lies also a passion.   But let’s get back to where we started.  Passion!  There is but one kind of passion.  It is the kind of feeling you experience knowing that you are willing to lay down your life for one particular person, without hesitating.  This is a true marriage!  How much are you prepared to give? Marriage as in man-woman! ALSO marriage to neighbors, Jesus says – LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF.  Would you give your neighbor what you take for yourself?… true love!

This is what happened at the Cross of Calvary!  He laid down His life for you and me – one individual and millions of us.  I notice that not many grasp fully the sacrifice He had to endure in those very few hours that He walked the road to the old rugged cross. The love He gave unconditionally, the pain He endured, the tenderness He gave, the faithfulness that made Him who He is, the true love that flew from His side… the only way to describe true Passion.  But in this world we live in many people have never heard the true story of the sacrifice of the Christ. Or they heard, but did not understand… or worse, they did not believe.  Since if you have had, your outlook on life would have been quite different.  There is something about understanding a sacrifice filled with unconditional love and mercy which hits you at the core of your heart when you accept the true expense of the cross, which happened many moonlights ago.  When the “expense” becomes clean and settles in your spirit… everything else goes. If through sharing what I have experienced about God’s love could mean that you would get a great desire to want to know more of what I’m talking about… I want to ask you to read it again and again until it fills your whole spirit, soul and body.

My God’s love is unconditional!  His love sometimes appear when you least expect it and it can fill your whole being in a moment… it is sacred love… gentle love.  This world’s love might be uncontrollable but His love is steadfast and easily available any time day or night.  Worldly love is impulsive but God’s love is suddenly upon you when you start calling His Name and His love is never-ending.  And that should be enough to want you to get acquainted with Him…

Above all else, God’s love gives us dreams in this temporary place we abide; and my biggest dream is to satisfy My God and to do the will of the One who chose me; to be a better mother for my child; to be the best friend that one can wish for; to be the best church-leader and pastor for my loyal members; to be a great Author and the best Teacher of God’s Word; to be the best daughter I could be – one who takes every hurt of life, smiling through it – starting over.  God’s love allows me to be who I am – someone who despite faults shows a will and determination to never give up.  I want to be a child in the eyes of My Creator and be known for humbleness, tenderness, wisdom and mercy, the same character as Him who fills my innermost being.  God, help me to keep smiling through each day, sadly or not – but to keep the smile in my heart.  One who doesn’t allow anything to break me down, by His Mercy.  I might fall once in a while but by His Grace, I get up again.  Then I close that chapter, move forward and start again for his forgiveness is easy and immediate.  This is His amazing love that keeps me going and I want similar blessings for YOU! This is my hope for you: that your life may be filled with the same love from the Father… that you would accept it; crave it; dream it… smile through it and float in it… living it…

Oh, please, please, would you accept His great gift of unconditional love?

This is a small piece of Ps. Nomsa’s latest book called “Soul Enlightenment”, currently IN PRESS; and is Copyright protected. .

 

JESUS DIARY 14 – Life’s Merry-go-round

LIFE’S MERRY-GO-ROUND

BOOK-READING by Prophetic Teacher Nomsa. A Story called “Life’s Merry-Go-Round” from her latest Book called SOUL ENLIGHTENMENT, currently IN PRESS.

I trust that you have enjoyed this reading by Prophetic Teacher Nomsa.  If you are interested in Buying the Book, please email on RestorationTRT@gmail.com. Thank You.

JESUS DIARY 13 – Hungry Eyes

HUNGRY EYES…

HI everyone, today i want to share with you a true story of what happened when we visited a Squatter Camp over Christmas time.  The story is the truth of what went through my mind as i was looking at these hopeless people… please read with an open ear to hear the cry of Jesus…

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

My God, my Lord, how sad the world has become;
only You can save the lives of some; let us play for them on a drum;
i pray You help us to help those, even those who had serious blows;
…slowly i open my special blue box…

Dear Jesus Diary,

As I stare into the hungry faces in front of me I hear in the background: “And now Ps Nomsa will open for us with prayer…”  There is a sigh or two; a few that deliberately close their eyes; some children who are being pushed down by parents; and others told to be quiet as I get up from my chair.  As I walk towards the microphone there is a total silence.  You can almost hear a pin drop – if it was possible on grass, of course.

I welcome everyone and thank the church that organized the event; and the “Skoen-flapper band”; and the people that came, as well as everyone that helped for the day.  I did a little prayer in Afrikaans – of course a little rusty since I have been preaching in English for more than ten years…. and then suddenly I switch over to English.  It is as if a wind from nowhere rushes over the crowd… and I knew – He is present! It always amazes me when I feel His presence.  It is something that cannot be explained in words.  God will always show up where His children are helping others.

When I open my eyes and say “Amen” the people clap their hands.  I’m not really sure why.  Some are genuinely thankful; others a little too drunk to know why they are clapping; and others happy that the prayer is over, and now they can eat.  But it was another two to three hours before the food came because there was a “father Christmas” in a red suite arriving in a huge red fire-truck.  Of course all the boys were there and more interested in the fire truck than father Christmas.  Some little ones wanted to sit on his lap as if that was going to solve the problems they have in life… I notice the attitude of “father Christmas” as he handles the children, and I can almost read his mind “Ghee, can I be done now, it’s really hot in this suite”… yup! It was warm, strikingly hot.  But let me get back to my story – Hungry eyes….

Some eyes that look back at me shine almost as pretty as the crystal balls that are hanging from the false Christmas tree in the corner.  But it is not from happiness, but drunken stupor… their eyes are not just excited for the gifts that are coming; but also have a question in them – will father Christmas really answer my prayers…?  Because some of these young ones have serious prayers which cannot be satisfied with just a doll or a colorful remote truck; no… their cry comes from deep within – it is a cry for help.  And it is for things they really need – like a house to live in; having food every night to eat; for mom to stop drinking and for daddy to get a job!

A few innocent ones sit around the Christmas tree.  There are silver and gold strings of fluffy stuff… no, I don’t know what it is made off!  There are more important things in life than Christmas trees or little round shiny balls and angels on the top with white wings.  So sad that not many in the world actually know what a real Angel looks like!  But that is not important now. What troubles me more than family gatherings at Christmas (with fake smiles and pretending to enjoy themselves outlook) is the empty eyes of the poor and needy; the lost and fearful; the hungry eyes staring back at me… 

From all across the tables they were looking at me with those big empty eyes; some darkened from alcohol or drugs; others empty due to hurt and rejection; other’s flooded with guilt and fear, even doubt and much hopelessness… In every face I could discern the problem as I looked into their eyes.  The little children were all hungry (physically!) and some looked dirty but blameless; others wild and imaginative; then there were the rebellious ones, and the quiet tempers; and nearly all were lost in this world because there were no fathers and mothers to teach them the Word of God at that age.

Almost all these children were living in very harsh conditions. Most families consisted of a father, mother and three or four to six children in one room; and it is very difficult to raise children in this environment.  What is worse, is that there is no water and no electricity in these rooms, because most of the time it is a small room at the back of the yard which belongs to another family member who lives in the house with his own family… and most of these family members who still have their own home is considered to be “rich” by the others living in the small room.  They referred to their family in the house as “my rich uncle”… or “my stinking rich brother”.  Fathers and mothers are scraping by daily to get something to eat for the children.  Some told me they were collecting “scrap” to sell; others sold cool-drinks on the corner; and some admitted that they were too drunk or “high” to work.  One or two ladies told me unashamedly that they “sell” themselves to other men to get just enough money to buy bread for the children tonight…

Many times I had to turn and walk away, to go and cry around the corner.  There is no excuse in this world for what is happening to these people.  What is happening out there in the world….? People pretend like nothing’s wrong in society, yet, here they are.  The “out-casts” we find in almost every darkened neighborhood.  And with the darkness come the ones who prey on them; selling drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and other substitutes the poor really can’t afford, but will sell their last pair of shoes to buy. I am saddened by the fact that there are rich people in the world that deliberately turn a cold shoulder to these conditions in their next-door “neighborhood”.  Even if the next-door neighborhood is just around the corner or over the next hill – It doesn’t matter that they are not the same class as you – we all breathe the same air…

From table to table I go to greet everyone and ask if I can pray for them.  Some are very thankful for a prayer; others don’t know what it means’ and a few reluctantly say “ok” but look the other way.  A few say “no, we don’t need prayer” but their situation tells a different story.  I decide to pray for them anyway.  There are the sick and afflicted ones who have already given up on the sickness that is busy destroying their bodies.  Many ask for jobs and are serious about it too.  As I pray between the tables the band is playing a happy song, but it barely touches the heart of the ones I am praying for.  There is a deep hurt and rejection from society nestled inside which needs to be broken down so that they can come out of the pit they are living in.  For a fleet second I said: “Lord, if I was president of this country, I would do only one thing – and that is to make sure that every homeless family in SA has a government home with electricity and water, irrespective if they are black, colored or white”.  A few times I have to hold my breath from the stinking breath of someone spitting in my face; or try to turn my cheek when they want to kiss me out of the blue.  Most of these are “high” and cannot account for their actions.  As a rule I do not kiss people on the mouth, not even my family – it’s a personal thing, don’t judge!  On many occasions in my life I have picked up children that vomit all over my clothes and in my face, hence me driving around with a clean pair of clothing in the back of my car permanently… it comes with the job.

As I sit and watch the little boy opening his Christmas present he received from “father Christmas” who is standing a few feet away; I look at the eyes of the little boy with the dirty face.  There were signs of ruff handling (abuse?) on the right of his eye. Maybe a drunken dad that needed to explode and could not find anything in the room to let his temper roam free, except the head of his little boy?  I see the fake smile on the “father Christmas” who is being “paid” to tell a lie to these children.  The only thing he is concerned about is the money he will get at the end of the day… the bottle-store is still open till 04h00!  The boy catches my interest.  He doesn’t even try to open the gift slowly.  With one loud noise and an open claw he pulls at the paper.  As it tears he watches inquisitively to see what it will reveal.  When the two guns in holsters with the sheriff badge is pulled out of the torn paper, his face lifts up and he immediate pull them out of the holsters and take his first aim… remarkably enough at the “father Christmas”.  Aaah, the mind of the toddler! You see, more than a couple hundred years ago children would not even have known what these guns look like unless they saw them in the hand of a Police officer; but nowadays it seems that they are freely available on every street corner if you have the right amount of money. Children are being taught through movies and social media on the internet how easy it is to make bombs; what kind of guns are available and any other kind of ammunition… yet, not even the plastic guns could satisfy this boy or the other children – they all still have hungry eyes…

Not even the well-dressed Barbie-doll could bring satisfaction to the skinny little girl whose blouse was too big for her.  There are dirty marks on her pants and she was bare-feet.  No shoes! She looks at the Barbie doll and put her down.  Then she turned around and asked the lady next to her… “wanneer gaan ons eet tannie?” (When will we eat?).  I looked at the skinny girl’s body and realize she is much thinner than her friends the same age.  There must be a big shortage of food in the house.  I asked her where her mommy is and she directed me to a women sitting on the grass with a two year old.  As I walk over to her, she watches me and turns her face downward to the ground.  She knows the pastor is coming her way and she can barely hide the shame.  Her name is Henriette, she says.  There is no father, just a boy-friend who she sees only once a week when he comes to her room for sex.  She and the 5 children are staying in one room.  He tells the five children to turn around and stand in the corner so that they can have sex and when he is done, he puts R50- on the table and leaves again.  He doesn’t talk to her; doesn’t give attention to the children and he doesn’t bring anything except the money. According to him it is his responsibility because the last child is his.  The other four children had three different fathers. When he walks into the door he has five litres cold water with soap for her to bathe before he uses her for his pleasure.  Sometimes the children turn around to see what is happening and then he throws them with a shoe or something while he screams at the children to look at the corner.  He is not quiet either, and everybody around her knows when he visits.  Henriette tries to hide the tears but I think many years of abuse and misery with the issue of poverty is now becoming too much for her.  It is a wonder she has not cut her wrists or did something stupid like that yet.  Her eyes are dark with pain and suffering and she clings to my hand… “help me Pastor”.  I look into her hungry eyes and in my mind I ask God, (“how can I help this woman with all her children.  Lord, give me the wisdom and the way out for this woman”).  After encouraging her with Gods Word and praying for a job and food relief from somewhere; she looks a little more relaxed. She didn’t know but I prayed that the boyfriend will get saved and then come to take her and the children out of this situation she is in. She doesn’t have a phone, but gave her address, and I promise to come and visit her and bring some food.  As I walk off I wonder – was it enough?

After giving every child’s toy the food is finally ready, and a long cue is standing from the kitchen door to the trees on the other side.  While the band is playing some music for the people, there are a few drunks dancing next to the line.  An old lady with no teeth grabs a hold of every man in the cue and dances with them. Some participate and others scream at her.  A young man in his twenties is looking at the long cue and I see the hunger in his face.  He counts the people in front of him to see how long he is going to wait to be fed.  Another pregnant lady in front of him sits down on the grass.  She has dirty hair and a smell from not having had a bath for a few days.  Then I see her: the lady without teeth and a few moles on her face.  She gazes directly at me and her eyes speak volumes.  If it was not for the moles on her face, she would be considered as “pretty”.  Teeth is not a problem, with today’s technology, I’m sure something can be done about that.  Her hair is dyed 4 different colors and she holds her hand on her stomach.  She is either pregnant or have pain from hunger.  I walk over to her and when I reach her, I have to grasp for fresh air, as I realize she was holding her stomach due to monthly menstruation pains… at least that is what the smell is telling all around her.  She asks me softly if I have something for her because she doesn’t have money to buy the necessary things she needs.  I walk back to my bag and pulled the money out of my purse to bring to her.  There was also one last “pad” I kept for emergency in my bag and it has been lying there for almost a year because I don’t need it anymore, it is there to help someone else, like today…! Now there is wisdom needed here, because if one person sees you giving money to another, then they would want to.  I take her to the tree and give her the money in a way others cannot see.  I say to her: it is for the need and not for cigarettes.  She nods and runs off to the bathroom.  The air is filled with cigarette smoke and hungry eyes…

A few came to me during the course of the day to ask for help with clothing for children, food, jobs, and other things too.  I prayed for all, and made my note in my book.  There is numbers I wrote down to contact them later and pray for them again.  As I walk over the grass back to my seat where the band is, I see I little plastic packet lying in the grass.  It has white little drops in.  I don’t know what drugs look like but in my spirit immediately knew this was something bad. I went to the toilet and flushed it down the drain.  Might have just saved a child or parent then from overdosing, I thought.  As I sit watching the people eat quickly as if the food was going to disappear, my heart goes out to them.  The band is also enjoying a plate of food and it is now quiet.  Yet, as I look around after everyone has had their food, there is still hungry eyes… it is the kind of hunger that a plate of food cannot satisfy.  For tomorrow they know there will be nobody to bring them food or presents.  It is an endless cycle of hungry eyes…

If anything, this reminds me to be thankful for what we have.  For if you have a roof over your head; a husband or wife who loves you; a plate of food to eat today; a friend who can smile with you; or even a child who can hold your hand – then you are extremely rich and blessed.  May these stories remind you how much you have and to thank the good Lord who has blessed you with what you possess because it is by His grace, and not by your own power.

This story is a real event – explaining the work we are doing for the Lord to help the poor and needy, and homeless people.  There are more than 1000 squatter camps in South Africa and we are trying to help where we can.  It is so sad to see people living in the conditions they are living in every day; without water sometimes; without food at times; but more than that – without any hope of ever getting out of there. I trust you were blessed and realize how much you have to be thankful for.  May God bless you. Shalom. Ps Nomsa.

TRT International Church, 0711787799; RestorationTRT@gmail.co.za

PS: If you feel the need to help us reach these people and bless them with food or clothing, you can contact our Office during Office Hours Monday to Friday from 09h00am to 5h00pm.